The Poker Donk UK

Donks Poker Tournament

So I’ve deposited in Raider Poker. Only deposited a little. $500 (about 0.0000001% of my bankroll) just to try it out.
Lets see if I can turn it into $10 million. Should be easy!

So the first tournament I played is just $3 tournament. I should play for more as I’m great, but who cares.
And those idiots at Raider Poker made it a guaranteed $150 prize fund even though theres only 30 donks in it. Idoits!

The blind are 10/20 and some idiot raised my Big Blind to 60. I had 10-4 offsuit, (not as good as 10-5 offsuit) so to let him know I had a monster I moved allin for 1500, and the idoit folded.
After two hand’s, already up 60. I am the greatest. Suck that you idiot, trying to raise my BB.

Got A-9 in early position so raise to 700 (70 times the big blind) and some idoit calls with A-J, Flop comes A-5-9 turn K river 7, I knock him out what an idiot calling with A-J. Now on 2480, I should quit now, but for some reason it won’t let me. Who cares I’m going to win anyway.

Lost my first hand, had J-J and the flop come K-7-3, I had a feeling he had a king so i fold before he can bet. Yes I am that good, I can read you like morse code.

Won another big hand, had K-J offsuit, should have folded, no one had raised yet so I call, the flop comes A-4-5 with two spades. Knowing I had the King of spades, I slow play to try and trap, the idiot raises, so I call. The turn comes a 10 of spades. Now I have the nuts, any Q or any spade. I check again and the idiot moves all in for 1700, so I call knowing I have the best hand. The idiot turns over his bluff A-10, I show him the nuts. The river is the 6 of spades. Knocked out another idiot!!

Got 9-6 in early position. I was going to raise, but had a feeling the BB had 10-5 offsuit so I fold. What a read. I have that guy in my shoe!

After an hour, sitting 8th with 4540 chips. Disappointed I’ve not won it yet, but these idiots have hit lucky!

Got 9-9 in the Small Blind, some idiot (small stack) went allin, so know I have a near unbeatable hand I call.
He turns over K-J suited, the flop J-J-10 turn 8 river 9. That idiot nearly got lucky. But the best hand won in the long run.
Knocked out idiot number three!!

Got K-J on the small blind, folded round to me, should probably fold cause there’s not much money in the pot, but I know BB is an idiot, so raise know he will call and then I can out play him. But he must have just reliazed how good I am, and folds. What an Idiot!!

Lost a big pot to an Idiot there! He raised my big blind and I have a monster (5-7), so call to trap and the flop comes three hearts, I don’t have one so he probably doesn’t either, so I bet and he raises so I re-raise and he moves allin. I have to fold the lucky idiot probably had pocket 2s. I’ll Get him next time.

What a idiot I move allin on the bluff in the small blind, and the idiot in the BB calls. I have A-J and he has A-Q and the lucky shit hits the Q. What a lucky idiot! Do you know how to play poker! Away and play bingo you lucky Twat!
What an Idiot!!!

Finished 11th on the bubble, How unlucky am I, out played every one and still didn’t win! Better move up stakes and see if there’s less idiots up there. Probably not!